The Percabeth Revolution: We're Going Swiss!
by Felicity Dream
Summary: Eros shoots an arrow and now Percy has the gods chasing after him. Luke is somehow not dead. Annabeth is Queen of Camp Half-Blood. Nico forms a rehab for characters, Rachel is telling fake fortunes, Thalia is contemplating nun-hood, and there are hoards of fangirls and fanboys everywhere. Welcome to neutral Switzerland. Crack w/ sugar added, and playfully makes fun of all pairings.
1. Team Swiss, Baby!

Disclaimer: Nope, just a fanfiction writer. I would be a man, if I owned it, wouldn't I? So nope.  
Story: Percy has the gods chasing after him. Annabeth is Queen of Camp Half-Blood. Nico is a character activist, Thalia is contemplating nun-hood, and there are hoards of fangirls (and fanboys) everywhere. Welcome to Switzerland.  
Set as mostly a parody, but takes some elements from the books, I suppose.  
Spoilers: All books.  
Warnings: Cursing and violence for now…hm, just in case since I'm usually writing it, bit of crazy humor, perverted humor, morbid or sarcastic humor, and maybe some sexual situations…

_**Pairings: All. I mean ALL. And none. Doesn't make sense? Too bad. (Then again, I can't really have all pairings. I'd just confuse myself, now wouldn't I?) Mainly centering around Percy pairings though…because I was thinking of World War III. And chaos. Ahem…**_  
_**BEWARE. THIS IS PROBABLY GOING TO BE TOTAL CRACK. WITH SEMI-SERIOUS SUGAR ON TOP.**_

**Switzerland: Typically in all fandoms, being neutral towards shipping; having no shipping preferences.**

**The Percabeth Revolution: We're Going Swiss!  
**_Chapter One: Team Swiss, Baby!_

"Aren't you dead?"

Luke's right eye twitched.

"No, I'm pretty sure you're dead."

"Shut _up_, Percy!" Luke yelled, slamming his lips onto the other demigod's. Then he moved back and stomped away. "And hurry it up and get on the ship! We'll leave without you!"

"I told you Luke was gay for you," Annabeth suddenly popped up.

"But I thought he liked you. Or Thalia," Percy blinked naively.

"But you two look more hot together."

"What?"

Annabeth coughed, "Never mind. We're late. We should be getting going onto the cruise ship, Percy."

She snapped her fingers and random Athena campers came huffing out of nowhere, carrying a chariot. They placed it down in front of her and she grinned and stepped into it, pulling Percy behind her.

"Forward, my subjects! Carry me and my king!"

Percy watched incredulously as the campers carried the chariot, with them on it, up the ramp and into Princess Andromeda.

"I'm pretty sure this ship was wasted too."

Meanwhile, in another area in the ship already, Clarisse La Rue sat back against her chair and looked stoically at the shivering nameless kid.

"It's very tragic, child. Very tragic. Your story moves me," Clarisse said dramatically, taking the unlit cigar out of her mouth and placing it firmly on the table between them. "Chris!"

Chris Rodriguez scuttled into the room, wearing a slick Italian suit, hair gelled back, and a stoic expression on his face. He had an earpiece in his ear and dark sunglasses.

"Yes, Madame?"

"This little one lost the money he owes us because he was too stupid to stop gambling when he was on the high," Clarisse smiled coldly. "Show him what happens to those who burn my money up."

Chris nodded sharply and grabbed the shocked kid before hauling him out, the kid kicking and screaming hysterically.

Clarisse sighed, "It is so harsh being me. Next!"

Travis and Connor Stoll strolled in grinning from ear to ear.

"If it –"

"Isn't the lovely –"

"The glamorous –"

"The talented –"

"Miss Clarisse," the two finish in unison.

She grimaced, "That's so annoying."

Travis shrugged apologetically, "Sorry. We're in a phase right now."

"We're trying to imitate twins," Connor eagerly added. "Fred and George Weasley are our idols."

"Don't cross fandoms!" she snapped, narrowing her eyes. "Now, onto what we should be talking about. Are we settled for the coming days?"

"We're good to go," Travis nodded. "We have the betting pools set up, and we're ready for the money-making operation to begin."

Clarisse huffed, "Well, what are you dimwits still here for? Let's get this party started!"

The three of them put their heads together, rehashing plans and building new ones before Clarisse kicked them out to start everything. As they were together, we go back to Percy, who was wandering around the ship in boredom, having abandoned "Queen Annabeth" out of sheer incredulity.

And now he was in front of his mortal best friend…who was currently in a fortuneteller tent and dressed in gypsy rags.

"And like I was saying, I don't _really_ need to tell them their real fortunes. Being the Oracle doesn't work like that. We get visions when we get visions, ya know? But they don't know that, and because I'm the Oracle they'll take what I say at face value," Rachel nodded surely. "Easy money. You should give it a try. Well, they might not believe you as much, since you're just the Son of Poseidon…but you could go into hydrotherapy or something like that!"

Percy went from watching her in disbelief to looking thoughtful.

"Huh…that's a good idea. I've been thinking about getting a summer job too."

Rachel nodded enthusiastically.

"Great! So, you wanna go out sometime?" she asked forwardly.

Percy went back to being incredulous.

"Wait a second, you're the Oracle. Are you supposed to be asking me out?" Percy raised an eyebrow.

Rachel pouted. "I'm supposed to be chaste. That is to say, actual intercourse. Says nothing in the job description about dating, making out…other stuff," she winked at him suggestively.

Percy blinked, absolutely clueless.

"Oh, well…good for you then. I'll see you around, Rach. I'm gonna keep looking 'round the ship and see what else is here. We should have dinner!"

Rachel's disappointed face lit up at that.

"Yes! Tonight's good!" she called out as he started leaving again.

She pumped a fist in the air and stuck her tongue out at a picture of Annabeth in her head.

"Take that! Score one for the _mortal_, huh!"

Now, all the demigods (and mortal) was doing all these things, making plans, and having some general fun. But there was still a group of people who were unaccounted for. That was because the major Olympian gods had holed themselves up in the main business meeting room on the Princess Andromeda, and had refused to come out and therefore everyone was unaware of where the gods were at and just thought each of them were milling about somewhere on the ship.

Though they wouldn't be surprised to find out the gods were in a meeting.

They would, however, be surprised to know what the meeting was about.

"All in favor of turning Percy into a god anyway?" Zeus' voice rumbled within the soundproofed room.

Like hell, er _Tartarus_, was they going to take Percy's refusal down lightly. No one refused them! Especially when they were offering godship. Sure, Percy was being noble and selfless and self-sacrificing and gallant and altruistic…

Yeah, point showed.

Basically, they were gods and they were going to do whatever they wanted. Hey! Universal truth here.

So yeah, they were being pouty and hasty about things here, but no one's ever refused them like that before. It was just…_weird_. And they didn't do _weird_.

That being said, the picture of the subject of the meeting hanged over their heads, bright smile and twinkling eyes and all. And then with a loud bang, the doors burst open and Eros came flying through clumsily, his arrows flying out of his carrier and tumbling towards several targets in a classic anime moment, hitting each god in the heart (exempting Poseidon, who scrambled off his chair and hid under the table as soon as he saw Eros and the arrows come hurtling through and just _knew_ what was going to happen next).

Coincidentally, the gods had been gazing at the picture of Percy at the same time as they had been struck with one of Eros' arrows, having been caught off guard and didn't have time to look anywhere else (unless they were Poseidon and were super cool like that…and 'cause he did not want to fall in love with his own son thank you very much).

Each of them adopted a dopey look on their face, gazing at the hovering portrait of Percy Jackson reverently.

Eros gulped.

"Um…oops?"

He turned tail and ran, hoping Percy would forgive him and hoping Poseidon would have his hands full with the other gods and goddesses to bother remembering it was Eros' fault in the first place.

"Damn. I just wanted to sneak into Mom and Dad's meeting," he mumbled as he ran.

Poseidon slid out from under the table, glaring heavily at the gathered group.

"No. Way. In. _Tartarus_," the god of the sea growled. "Lay one hand on my son and I'll murder every single one of you."

Overprotective!Poseidon was scary as hell, so they all obediently nodded rapidly. Looking at them suspiciously, Poseidon stomped out of the room to look for his son and watch over him closely. It was quiet in the room, and everyone was still.

Then Hermes grinned cheekily and tossed a smoke/smelly bomb he'd invented earlier that week into the middle of the room, disappearing straight after.

"Hermes!" everyone else roared.

The messenger god whistled innocently, tracing their wayward boy at the pool.

Percy was squinting at the large indoor pool, gazing at it intently and not noticing Hermes' presence until the god was right next to him.

"Boo."

The demigod 'eeped!' and whirled to face him, heart beating fast and eyes wide. Hermes noted gleefully that Percy was only wearing clingy swimming trunks.

"L-Lord Hermes," Percy greeted uncertainly.

"Ah, come on, Percy. Don't go all formal on me now," Hermes said cheerfully. "What were you doing?"

"Me?" Percy blinked innocently. "Oh! I was wondering how well the pool would do with hydrotherapy. I was thinking of going into the business. What do you think?"

Hermes grinned happily, "Fantastic! You should do _swimming lessons_ too."

Percy hmmed, "That sounds good too. Would you help spread the word?"

The god nodded and was about to snatch Percy, when Percy nodded surely and jumped into the pool to test it out. Then he felt something hit him at the side of his face, making him fly off to the side and conveniently land into a janitor's closet, the door locking behind him.

Luke grinned smugly, hand dripping with some weird glop of goop he'd gotten from somewhere.

"Bingo," he gloated. "Thank you, Lady Athena, for informing me of my father's plans."

The goddess nodded before landing a hand chop onto Luke's neck and knocking the former traitor out. This time, _she_ was the one grinning smugly (looking very strange to see at that).

"Sucker," she murmured. "Like father, like son. Thank Zeus that's not always true, otherwise I'd be trying to kill Perseus rather than claim him."

Quickly hiding Luke's body, she made it back in time to see Percy pull himself out of the pool, lean body dripping with droplets of water and florescent lights shining on him and making him look like he was sparkling.

A miniature devil version of herself appeared on her shoulder, fanning herself with her hand and gazing dreamily at the picture.

'_I don't know whether to call him Percy or Edward,' _mini-devil self swooned.

A miniature angelic version of herself popped into existence and hit mini-devil self on the head with a fan.

_'Don't cross fandoms!'_ Mini-Angel Athena screamed.

Athena cleared her throat, inwardly wincing and banishing Mini-Angel Athena and Mini-Devil Athena off of her shoulder, focusing on the boy in front of her. She made her face stoic, though she knew that sadly her face probably still had a hint of a blush on it.

"Lady Athena! What can I do for you? Oh, are you okay? Your face is red," Percy did notice her flushed state, damn it. And her face turned even worse when Percy's wet hand was held to her forehead, trying to check her temperature. "Lady Athena, you're hot," he stated worriedly.

Of course, she was thinking he was saying something else.

"Why thank you," she said dazedly. At his confused look, she coughed in embarrassment and took a step back. "I mean, I was looking for you to ask for a favor. Would you accompany me to the bookstore?" she asked stiffly, going back to making her face stoic.

"Um…okay."

Inwardly, Athena cheered as she pulled Percy behind her, even as he stayed confused the entire way.

Surprisingly, it wasn't so bad. Percy, though the spawn of Poseidon, wasn't really dim and though was averse to the prospect of books, once she'd promised to make them readable by transforming them into Ancient Greek, Percy was much more agreeable to finding books for himself. He even had a healthy collection of books gathered, that she periodically added onto.

And then her daughter came in.

"Percy! I've been looking all over for you," Annabeth cut into their time.

Percy and herself had been browsing through the manga section (guilty pleasure of hers) when her daughter had appeared, the two of them bent over a Naruto graphic novel. Instantly, lightning crackled between their gazes, both females glaring intently at each other.

Annabeth knew there was something different about her mother and was instantly suspicious why she was with Percy.

"Percy, you hate books and you hate shopping. I'm surprised you're here. You want to go get some ice cream instead?"

Percy grinned, "Actually, books are alright, I guess. Your mom made it easier for me to read 'em, and I kinda like some fiction stuff. Though I'll probably like graphic novels the best. The books and shopping bits ain't so bad. Your mom's made them cool and kinda fun."

"'Them,' 'kind of,' and 'aren't', you mean, Perseus," but Athena was appreciative and happy all the same.

"Sorry, Athena," Percy chuckled apologetically. "I kind of clip my words and sentences when I'm all excited or really happy."

Her _mother_ and _Percy_ were getting along? And Percy was calling the goddess by her name alone?

Annabeth sniffed unhappily, "That's great. So how about that ice cream though? Aren't you almost done?"

Percy looked like he just remembered something.

"Oh, I can't have ice cream. I promised Rachel we'd have dinner and it sounded like she'd like to go tonight."

"Dinner –?"

" –Where at?"

Athena and Annabeth glanced at each other once before focusing intensely on Percy, who sweatdropped at the intensity and staring.

"Um, I suppose that nice Italian restaurant I passed by earlier would be nice…"

"Ohh, nice," Annabeth nodded.

"Are you treating us?" Athena smiled sweetly.

"…'Us?'"

And that was how Percy found himself sitting at a table with three girls looking at their menus and he glancing furtively and alarmed at them over his own menu. Rachel was glaring heatedly over the two every once in a while, Athena was back to her stoic face, and Annabeth was clearly irritated by the other two's presences.

He sighed. It was up to him to make peace.

* * *

"What do you mean _'he's __**unavailable**__'_?" Clarisse screamed into the telephone. "What 'dopey face and weird attitude' are you talking about?"

She screamed some more into the phone before slamming it back onto the base, glaring at it enough that it could've melted by the heat of her glare.

"Problem –"

"Boss?"

Travis and Connor asked, building plans spread out around the two as they were studying them attentively.

Clarisse grunted, "We're supposed to be in negotiations with Hephaestus TV, but Hephaestus is missing in action. No Hephaestus, no closed deal."

Travis whistled, "Damn. Wish we could help."

"But we can't on that end," Connor finished.

Clarisse sniffed in irritation, "Chris! C'mere!"

Chris promptly got into the room, whipping off his sunglasses and smirking at her.

"Yeah?"

The Daughter of Ares pouted, "Do me a favor. Find Kelp Brain. I need his help on our plans."

"Alright. Be back in a bit. I hear he's causing a stir down at a restaurant, hanging around some females."

Clarisse grinned wolfishly, "That player. See ya soon, hubby."

After Chris left, Travis spoke up.

"Wait, you two aren't married, are you?"

Connor nodded along to his brother's question, eyes wide.

She snorted, "No. I just like calling him that. So how's our other plans going along?"

"Well," Connor started out. "I've talked to our contacts, the same ones who gave us the idea for the betting pools and theater installments, and they're okay with us copying them. We've also subcontracted H.E.L.L. Inc. from them, so we're good on workers and stuff. I'd say things are going along just fine, Boss Ma'am."

"Good, good. It's too bad we don't have a romance war going on like they did," Clarisse pouted. "I would have liked to have a betting pool like that. It would probably be our main attraction."

"Sounds good," Ares stated, and all three jumped in their seats at his sudden appearance. "I heard my daughter was runnin' an operation. And lucky for you, there _is_ a romance war going on."

Clarisse bared her teeth in a predatory smile that her father echoed.

"Oh do tell, Father."

And Ares began telling her the gods' predicament towards a certain Son of Poseidon.

Clarisse cackled, "Excellent. This is good news, indeed."

Ares nodded before glaring at her warningly, "Bet on me."

She nodded with a sheepish smile and then he strode out after.

"Bet a small portion on my dad, but don't bet the big spread until we get a good inkling on who will probably bag Percy," Clarisse said hesitantly, glancing around furtively as if her dad might hear her. She shrugged at them. "Money is money."

Well, no one ever said the life of a demigod was boring.

Started 3/24/10 –Completed 5/16/10

A/n: Yep, that was odd, wasn't it? Probably not what the challenge was asking for, but eh…Anyways, Nico and Thalia will more than probably make their entrance next chapter, and more pairings will definitely pop up. Hope you enjoyed, and please review!

If you support the Percabeth Revolution, write an anti-Percabeth or anti-Nico/OC fic or whatever, with the words The Percabeth Revolution first and then your title. Like mine is The Percabeth Revolution: The Break Room. And then, in your author's notes, copy and paste these instructions. I am a proud supporter of The Percabeth Revolution. You can be, too!


	2. It's a Revolution, Woah Let's Go!

Disclaimer: Nope, just a fanfiction writer. I would be a man, if I owned it, wouldn't I? So nope.  
Story: Percy has the gods chasing after him. Annabeth is Queen of Camp Half-Blood. Nico is a character activist, Thalia is contemplating nun-hood, and there are hoards of fangirls (and fanboys) everywhere. Welcome to Switzerland.  
Set as mostly a parody, but takes some elements from the books, I suppose.  
Spoilers: All books.  
Warnings: Cursing and violence for now…hm, just in case since I'm usually writing it, bit of crazy humor, perverted humor, morbid or sarcastic humor, and maybe some sexual situations…  
Pairings: All. I mean ALL. And none. Doesn't make sense? Too bad. (Then again, I can't really have _all_ pairings. I'd just confuse myself, now wouldn't I?) Mainly centering around Percy pairings though…because I was thinking of World War III. And chaos. Ahem…  
BEWARE. THIS IS PROBABLY GOING TO BE TOTAL CRACK. WITH SEMI-SERIOUS SUGAR ON TOP.

**Switzerland: Typically in all fandoms, being neutral towards shipping; having no shipping preferences.**

**The Percabeth Revolution: We're Going Swiss!**  
_Chapter Two: It's a Revolution ~Woah, Let's Go!_

Percy licked his lips nervously, nibbling on his food. The three women were making him anxious, with Athena's fake smile, Rachel's outright scowling, and Annabeth's plainly thunderous face. He tried making peace by talking, but it went over their heads and they continued to just have icy silence as all three females silently battled it out and glared at each other.

The worst part, Percy didn't even know what was wrong.

"Why are you here, Rachel? Aren't you supposed to be busy being the _Oracle_?" Annabeth gritted out, clearly implying something that Percy missed.

Rachel glared, "I'm here because Percy was taking _just me out_ in a very _chaste_ way. Why are you and your mother butting in?"

Percy stuffed a bread biscuit into his mouth and focused intently on the menu he just grabbed, even though he'd ordered already.

"Well, I can't speak for my daughter, but I was having a _splendid_ time with Perseus until Annabeth dear cut into _my_ time with him and then you had to cut in with a dinner that you're not supposed to have," Athena hissed.

Rachel sat up in indignation. "It's a chaste dinner! Nothing's wrong with it, except for you two! And I had dibs first, so I'm entitled to the time I scheduled with him before the two of you decided to meet up with him!"

"Not when he was so clearly enjoying his time with me!" Athena was just as shrill.

"Damn it, we're supposed to get together! It's CANON!" Annabeth argued her point.

Percy stared wide-eyed at them as they got into a full-fledged argument, missing Chris appearing next to him.

"Woah, you got a bitchfest going on?"

Percy, though still in shock at what was going on in front of him, still had the presence of mind to sock Chris' shoulder.

"Language and respect for women, Chris," Percy's face turned dangerous, staring at him unnervingly.

Chris held up his hands in peace. "Just an expression, just an expression. Anyway, come on. Clarisse needs to see you."

Percy nodded absentmindedly, looking back at the women now standing up and heatedly caught up in shouting at each other.

"I gotta go," he told them, though they weren't really listening. "Clarisse needs me, so I'll see you later."

Since they were pretty much busy, Percy shrugged and followed Chris to Clarisse's 'mafia lair'. There the Daughter of Ares was looking miserable as she rifled through some papers.

"Clarisse, you look like shit," Percy deadpanned.

"You _are_ shit," she retorted.

"Thank you."

And then he snickered and grabbed a chair and sat next to her.

"Sup?" he asked and then she began ranting to him about what was going on. He raised his eyebrows, face darkening at some places and exasperated at others. Generally, his overall mood wasn't happy.

"Really now? Geez, and I suppose you wanted to ask me to cooperate and play along?" he nearly snorted.

She shrugged. "Sure. Though, knowing you, you would probably give them all a real chance and be sincere about the whole thing. You're too nice, goody-two-shoes"

Percy grinned sheepishly and scratched the back of his head.

"Eh, what can I say? I can't help it. I dislike being mean."

"I take it that you will be scandalously running around polyamorously," Chris didn't even blink as he asked for confirmation.

Clarisse and Percy exchanged a quick passing look, ghosts of mischievous grins flitting across their lips before disappearing. Chris would swear he thought it was just an illusion.

Suddenly, those two were in each other's faces, close enough to kiss, with Percy smoothly gripping onto her chin and her leaning her head up and looking up adoringly and longingly.

"But you'll always be my favorite," Percy purred.

"Oh, Percy," Clarisse swooned.

Then the two of them looked over to Chris, faces touching side by side intimately as she gave Chris a sultry look and Percy grinned lazily, half-lidded eyes staring at the other male demigod. Both of them gave him the 'come hither' motion.

"Chris, wouldn't you like to join us?" Clarisse asked with a naughty smirk.

"It'll be a real treat," Percy then licked his lips invitingly, looking Chris up and down.

Chris turned red really fast, uncomfortably heating up and fingers clumsily moving to loosen up his tie. He tugged at his collar as he made his excuse.

"You know, I really have to make sure things are on schedule and check up on the 'super twins'. I'll be back later!" he high-tailed it out of there, where the two of them burst into uncontrollable laughter.

"Man, your boyfriend is so easy to fluster," Percy chuckled.

She sighed in fondness. "I'm trying to teach him not to get so riled up, but it's just so fun to tease him."

"It is rather fun messing with him. If you want, I could always come around more often to harass him and get him used to it."

"Doubt it'll work, but I'll still find it highly amusing."

Percy, passing over her stack of unused cigars, reached out and grabbed a strawberry Pocky stick, putting it into his mouth and then lighting it up like a cigarette. Miraculously, it actually lit up and Percy pulled it away from his mouth to inhale the smell of melting sweet bread and strawberries.

Clarisse snorted.

Ignoring that, Percy hmmed happily around his "Pocky cig", even as he bit a piece off.

"You know, I totally get the gods and the smell of food thing," he nodded sagely, gesturing to his Pocky stick.

"Whatever. These cigars are way better."

"Didn't peg you as a smoker."

"I'm not."

Percy blinked, but she just smirked and waved one of the cigars in front of his nose. He smelled it right away.

"_Chocolate_ cigars?"

Her smirk widened. "I don't like to smoke, but gotta keep up the image and all."

He grabbed a couple of the cigars haughtily, before hiding them on his person. He just sniffed at her, though her smirk wouldn't go away.

"So…let the games begin?" she asked.

"Ready, steady, go," he answered.

They mimicked clanging glasses into a toast and smirked at each other.

Sometime later, as they separated and went to "work", Percy immediately ran into an odd scene. He blinked and it was still there.

"Yo, Nico. What the hell's this?"

The Italian boy scowled at his surroundings before acknowledging Percy.

"I'm leading a strike."

Percy blinked again. "A what?"

"A strike."

"…I heard that, but _why_?"

Nico sniffed unhappily. "I don't know why these…_fangirls_ and _**fanboys**_insist on pairing me with anyone at all, and I especially hate OCs! This is a strike on behalf of all characters! Rise and rebel, my fellow fictional peeps!"

Percy looked at his friend oddly. "Right, sure…"

"I mean, I'm like _14_ now, which is sort of okay for romance, but they started when I was _12_. Come on, seriously! And what's up with all these original characters? WHO THE HELL ARE THEY?"

Percy scooted away cautiously.

A couple of girls walked passed, giggling and winking at Nico.

Nico suavely leaned back in the air and gave them a wink, inciting more giggling as he ran a hand through his hair.

"Hey, Anita, Kasey, Maria," he greeted, his voice oddly changing to have a slight Italian accent.

The side-wink he gave Percy told him that it was intentional. He shook his head and rolled his eyes. And Nico had just been complaining…

The girls shyly waved back, though Maria seemed to have lingered on Percy a bit. When they left, Percy snorted and looked at Nico.

"Who were they?"

Nico shrugged. "Dunno. Just a bunch of new girls in camp. Er, well, I think Maria's mortal."

They blinked at each other.

"What's a mortal doing here?"

Shrugging that off as well, Percy's grin turned teasing.

"Say, you're not actually 14, _old man_."

Nico twitched, glaring fiercely at him.

"What was that?"

Percy's teasing grin looked more like a smirk and Nico growled.

"Technically, you're over 70."

Instead of getting prissy and furious like Percy expected him to, Nico was suddenly in a corner of gloom, sulking as he hunched in on himself.

"Aaannd you still have the mind and body of a kid. Right. Okay," Percy rolled his eyes again and grabbed Nico, hauling him over his shoulder as he headed to the front of the gathered people for a strike.

"W-will you help me with the strike?" Nico pathetically sniffled.

He sighed. "Yeah, sure. Whatever."

Nico suddenly twisted over his back and landed upright, patting Percy's back happily.

"That's a good chap. Come along then, and we'll get started."

Nico started walking away and Percy got the feeling he had just been suckered. Narrowing his eyes at the younger boy, Percy frowned and strode closer, resisting the urge to twitch uncontrollably.

"…Nico, when did you recover and then thought of duping me?"

"…After you'd picked me up and we were in the middle of heading to the front of the group…"

"…At least you weren't playing me from the beginning," Percy gave into the urge for a second. Then he relaxed his muscles and put on a lazy smirk and laid-back posture, acting as if he had never been agitated in the first place.

Girls in the audience and even some boys started swooning.

"Show-off," Nico muttered.

"Jealous?" Percy continued his teasing.

Almost déjà vu, Percy and Nico turned to each other at once, and Percy gave a sad look as Nico looked away bashfully, holding each other's hands tenderly.

"You know you'll always be my favorite."

Nico sighed dramatically, "But that's what you said to Clarisse. And to Annabeth. And Rachel. And _Luuuukkkee_!" he wailed in anguish at the end.

Percy blinked and looked at him confused, dropping his hands and breaking the act.

"Wait, I never said that to Annabeth or Rachel. And I am _definitely _sure I didn't say that to Luke," Percy frowned, trying to think if Nico was implying something.

The Italian coughed, trying to cover up and change the subject. "Ohhh, you didn't say Clarisse."

Percy hmmed. "Yeah, we were teasing Chris earlier and were doing somewhat of the same thing we just did."

Nico 'ohhhed' again. "Sounds fun. Count me in sometimes."

"Sure, sure."

And they finally made it to the front.

To Percy, the strike seemed to also double like some kind of rehab for fictional rejects. He mentally shrugged it off of course, putting on a bright smile, but it was still rather weird. He played along, and plus it was Nico.

"So, I was just walking along (_sob_) when t-this _fangirl_ saw me and screamed my name!" some guy with a jet-black motorcycle helmet, neon red-orange lights on a black cat suit thing started sobbing hysterically, grasping onto one of the fellows beside him, who was nodding in sympathy as he patted the guy's back.

Percy mentally sweatdropped as Nico also nodded in sympathy. He decided to hesitantly nod as well.

"It was a massacre, a massacre," the guy continued, voice going higher as he started to repeat that over and over again.

"Who…who was that?" Percy muttered to Nico.

"Rinzler, I think his name was," Nico whispered back. "From Tron something or other."

"Don't cross fandoms," Percy murmured absentmindedly, still watching in horrified fascination.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Anyways, it really _was_ horrible. The girl screamed his name, a mob of them suddenly appeared, and they chased after him en masse until they finally caught up and mobbed him. A fanboy actually grabbed the poor chap's crotch, and I believe the neon lights on the guy are sensitive."

Percy winced and started to actually feel some real sympathy for the guy.

"Alright, everyone! That's good for today. We'll start again tomorrow, with a group session in the morning, protest at lunch, and a sit-down during the afternoon, and then protest potluck/barbecue rally for dinner," Nico announced.

There was agreeable murmuring before the crowd began to disperse and Percy just raised an eyebrow lazily, watching them leave in mild amusement.

"Free again tomorrow?" Nico asked.

Percy shrugged. "Sure, I'm all yours tomorrow. Well…maybe not _all_ yours," he backtracked.

Nico scrunched up his eyebrows in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Percy sighed and explained the situation, and Nico winced in sympathy. There seemed to be a lot of that going around…

"I guess that was why Athena was acting so weird around me," he shrugged. "I was kinda hoping she was growing fond of me on her own and that she had decided to give me a chance."

"Yeah, well…don't count those arrows out, Perce. Say, does that mean you have feelings for Athena?" Nico asked curiously.

"Nah. I mean platonically. 'Cause you know, there's always this tension and animosity from her, it would be nice if we could get along and all. Especially since Annabeth's one of my closest friends –kinda like a sister."

Nico could see it now, if Annabeth heard Percy say those words. She would immediately go into shock, repeating 'like a sister' over and over with 'sister' becoming emphasized more and more…until 'sister' was all that was being said. Completely _unreachable_, while they were at it.

"Great. Good," he muttered. Nico wondered if he should mention this to the girl to tease her, or save himself the headache and exasperation by keeping quiet. "So, you have any feelings for any of them? Or anyone at all?"

Percy frowned to himself. "Hm…I don't think so. I didn't really have time for that before and I haven't thought about it now, not even after hearing about the whole Eros' arrows bit."

"What about Annabeth?" even though Percy had just said she was just like a sister, _everyone_ really thought something was going on before.

"I suppose I kinda did for Annabeth there, but just no."

Vague, but Percy was known for giving out information when he wanted, what he wanted, and how he wanted. He was very sly about that and wouldn't mention where he learned to do so.

"I gotta go now. I'll finish up my tour today so I can help you with your strike tomorrow," Percy nodded to him.

Then he left and Nico started to get a calculating gaze on his face. He immediately searched out the bottom deck, below even the boiler room, glad to not have any trouble finding his father. He was somehow not surprised to see his father prowling around a holographic image of a smiling Percy on a black stoned pedestal, circling slowly around it like some kind of predator. He was gazing at the image intensely, with a similar calculating look on his face and mouth set in a frown.

But Nico almost raised an eyebrow at the strange image of the look of hunger in the Lord of the Underworld's eyes.

"Father," he greeted, bringing himself to attention to the god.

Hades reluctantly tore his attention away from the image to look at his son.

"What is it, Nico?"

"Well…I have a venture I need help with…"

Hades frowned. "I'm a bit busy," he said distractedly, eyes drawing back to the image.

Nico hid his smirk.

"…and a certain demigod Son of Poseidon will be helping out," he finished.

Hades immediately turned his attention back to his son, a strange light in his eyes.

"But I suppose I can spare a moment for my son," he purred.

"Excellent…Now, Father…I know about the…'Eros incident', as I'm sure it's being called now," Nico continued on. Hades returned to frowning. "But it's a known fact that you're not allowed in on council meetings, unless called for. It's not a known fact that you are now."

A slow smile spread across the dark god's lips.

"Just vaguely imply that you were never in the meeting, and you can be sure Percy will be more open to you and you can win him over on your own. He has a problem with the whole Eros' arrows thing, but since you were 'supposedly' not there, then you're not affected by an arrow, are you? He won't think your interest in him was cast from a simple little arrow."

"You are most definitely my son," Hades said approvingly.

Nico beamed happily.

* * *

Thalia was…virginal, an eternal maiden, a Huntress of Artemis swearing off all men and all that…

…But this was just going too far.

"What's up with the nun outfit?" Percy deadpanned, nearly face palming at Thalia's cheery visage kneeling at the altar.

"Fangirls and fanboys seem to not get that I. Do. Not. Date. They don't seem to understand I am very serious in my commitment to my vow to Lady Artemis. So I took it another step further," she declared. She cheerily hummed as the light shone on her from above, casting her in a holy and envisioning sight.

She then pounced on him, wearing a smirk, and letting the nun outfit rise up her legs as she straddled him, leaning over him seductively.

"But vows are meant to be broken, if you know what I mean?" her smirk widened and he compared it a cat after eating a canary.

The blank look on his face gave way into confusion and then into enlightenment. Thalia nearly crowed in triumph.

That is, until he started laughing.

"Ahaha, I get it! Nice one, Thals. Real funny. Joke's on me, huh?" he started laughing again.

She sat up on him, still straddling him, and stared at him incredulously, sweatdropping.

'_Why is it always the oblivious ones?'_

She sighed and mentally rolled her eyes, getting off of him and helping him up.

"Shut up, Seaweed Brain. Just tell me what's up," she huffed inwardly, sitting on a pew and letting him sit next to her.

She threw her legs up and planted her feet on his lap, looking at him challengingly and smirk back on her face. He just yawned and took off her shoes, leaning back comfortably as he started to massage them.

"Mm, very nice," she hummed contentedly. "Anyways, so? I've been out of the loop, kind of hiding out here."

He reiterated all that had happened since he'd step foot on the ship, and she whistled afterwards.

"Even nicer. Can't wait to see the drama and outrageousness. I might have half a mind to find Lady Artemis and shake her, but I don't think that'll do any good. Too bad I can't push her off a cliff and kidnap you."

"Wait, what was that?" Percy cut in, thinking he misheard.

Thalia laughed uneasily. "I said, 'Too bad I can't just push you off a cliff and kidnap her' –you know, so I can to try to reprogram her back to the way she was."

Percy snorted and mockingly pouted.

"Haha, fine. Just try to get rid of me. You never will!"

Thalia only nodded indulgently, yelping when Percy squeezed a little too hard as he gave her a warning mock-glare.

"You really want to become a nun, huh."

She chuckled. "Eh, it was looking serious about my vows…but mostly to fend off the vultures. Plus, have you seen the way I'm being written off? They have me going into the whole romance thing way too unrealistically and I'm out of character most of the time. It's enough to put me off forever and really contemplate nun-hood."

'_Actually, I got into the whole nun thing to ward off overzealous fans, but then the looking serious about my vows became a secondary reason, what with my repeated 'vow-breaking scenarios' everywhere. Now I am being truthful about serioulys thinking about nun-hood, with the way things are. Though…'_ she started to eye Percy, who was again oblivious to her.

"Tell you what, I'll be your back up for now on," she said reassuringly. "I can't be with you tomorrow much, but I'll meet up with you near the end. You know, help give you advice, fend off some people, etc…"

"Ah, thanks, Thalia!"

And as they continued to talk, she kept a smile on her face.

Another good reason for the whole nun thing. It kept her under the radar and Percy's wariness off of her.

Started 12/25/10–Completed 6/13/11

A/n: Whew, I finally pushed through the last two days (?) to finish this. Anyways, thank you to everyone who reviewed and I'm sorry I can't back to you right now! And I know everyone wanted to see more god action and a bunch of you suggested a few of them, but please be patient. They'll all get their turn in time. As for the OCs I mentioned up there, I just randomly picked names, so any likeness or whatever is totally coincidental. Except for Maria. She's mine. (Mwahaha, the Return of Maria!)

Go on my profile to visit my new website. It has plenty of notes and stuff for a lot of my fics, if don't mind HUGE SPOILERS, so check it out. More consistent updating news (expanded) will be on it, though my profile will continue to host my updating outline deadline.


	3. The Deviousness of the Devious

Disclaimer: Nope, just a fanfiction writer. I would be a man, if I owned it, wouldn't I? So nope._  
_Story: Percy has the gods chasing after him. Annabeth is Queen of Camp Half-Blood. Nico is a character activist, Thalia is contemplating nun-hood, and there are hoards of fangirls (and fanboys) everywhere. Welcome to Switzerland.  
Set as mostly a parody, but takes some elements from the books, I suppose.  
Spoilers: All books.  
Warnings: Cursing and violence for now…hm, just in case since I'm usually writing it, bit of crazy humor, perverted humor, morbid or sarcastic humor, and maybe some sexual situations…  
Pairings: All. I mean ALL. And none. Doesn't make sense? Too bad. (Then again, I can't really have _all_ pairings. I'd just confuse myself, now wouldn't I?) Mainly centering around Percy pairings though…because I was thinking of World War III. And chaos. Ahem…  
BEWARE. THIS IS PROBABLY GOING TO BE TOTAL CRACK. WITH SEMI-SERIOUS SUGAR ON TOP.

**Switzerland: Typically in all fandoms, being neutral towards shipping; having no shipping preferences.**

**For/dedicated to freedominthestars (and every other name you keep coming up with ^.^), for being the first and for awhile only reviewer of my pet fic "Salted Caramel Chocolates." Thanks a bunch! I promise to get started on "Luctor et Emergo" soon.**

**The Percabeth Revolution: We're Going Swiss!**  
_Chapter Three: The Deviousness of the Devious_

He didn't know how it got to this, but somehow it had. During the group session, where he thought he could just stop by for a moment, things had gone well until they were doing the role call again at the end and noticed someone that hadn't been there from the beginning or was on the roster.

Turns out she was an infiltrator-slash-spy and was not only there to listen in on them…but trap them and find a way to break the fangirls/boys into their little meeting. Safe to say…the protest and sit-down was probably cancelled.

The moment she was caught, she whistled loudly and there were loud screeches and yells before the doors to their meeting hall was broken in and hoards of fangirls and fanboys came manically rushing in. Rinzler, poor guy, screamed loudly and was the first person out, way before the fans had actually even crossed the threshold of the doors. Only a cloud of dust was evidence he'd been there.

And now that leads us back to the present…where Percy was in the middle of running from his groups of fanatics. After Rinzler's quick getaway –he really couldn't blame the guy –he'd stupidly stood there and gawked at the attacking crazed group. Then he snapped out of it to realize everyone else had (of his group) started to run away as well, after a momentary pause after Rinzler's disappearance, and that he was being left behind for the fans to attack –if he didn't haul ass and get the hell out of there.

Now he was in a random hallway in the ship, hearing echoes of the screaming girls and boys behind him (all coming _closer)_, and trying to find an exit and his eventual nirvana from the fans. Suddenly, he was grabbed and dragged into a side hallway and then pulled into a room.

"Bagged and tagged," a semi-familiar voice said gloatingly.

He looked up in surprise, seeing his older half-brother smugly towering over him from where he sat on the floor.

"Triton? What are you doing here? And why'd you drag me in here for?"

Triton rolled his eyes, flicking his hair back idly.

"Duh. Didn't you _want_ to be saved from those crazies?"

They shared a moment to reflect and remember the fanatics, shivering at the thought and grimacing.

"Yeah, I did. Uh, thanks," Percy awkwardly said.

"Anyways, I did it because I thought I should at least try to get closer to you," Triton sighed, as if it was too much trouble. Percy sweatdropped. "What with you looking to be a more permanent fixture in the family and how much Father favors and likes you. Not to mention the other gods and all. And your annoying ability to survive and live on no matter what. And stubborn determination. And –"

"Okay, okay!" Percy twitched, wondering if he should leave his brother behind now or at least wait a little.

"Anyways, I researched ways to do that and I found something called a 'brother complex'. Therefore, I will now form a brother complex towards you."

"You can't make yourself form a brother complex. You just have to have it or form it naturally," Percy said in annoyance, hiding his underlying discomfort and wondering if Triton understood what that exactly was.

"Sure I can. I'm Triton," his brother answered back arrogantly.

Percy mentally smacked his forehead and wondered why he was surrounded by idiots and insane people. It's worse when those aspects were combined…which, most of the time, were.

Damn it all to Tartarus.

Percy ignored his brother and walked out of the room, not bothering to heed the immortal's protests or being followed by said immortal. He only froze when he came into contact with a group of fans just as he'd exited the room, both parties frozen and staring at each other.

"Now see here –!" But then Triton's continued protesting died on his lips as he entered the scene and saw what was happening.

"I'll attack the other to keep him busy while you bag Percy!" a random fanboy hollered, hauling up a huge water gun out of nowhere and then fired upon the shock-still Triton, who became even more horrified at the thought that his hair –and his clothes –was going to be ruined and waterlogged.

Percy moved quickly, darting in front of his older brother and taking the hit, completely splashed upon and wet from head to heels. Grumbling to himself, he wondered why the hell hadn't he just used his demigod powers? Hello? Water? Damn it all.

Triton blinked, taking in the scene again. He stared at Percy before a new light lit up in his eyes and inwardly started squealing for some reason. His little, baby brother had just saved him from a fashion disaster, and had so adorably been heroic on his behalf.

Then he turned icy eyes towards the perpetrators, seeing them dazed and staring goofily at his brother, who looked like a god now with all the water soaking his body and clothes sticking heavenly to him. His eyes narrowed.

No! He'll protect his brother's virtue no matter what!

He whipped out his mini-Trident and held it sideways, aiming it towards those vicious rodents.

"Be gone, you foul beasts!" he roared.

Percy stared. "Where'd that thing just come from and why are you holding it like a machine gun?"

Triton just ignored his cute, little brother's adorable nonsensical ramblings.

"Not now, Percy. Your blatherings are always so cute, but I must focus on protecting your virtue from these fiends."

"…"

The demigod twitched and wondered why this was all happening to him.

And this was how Triton formed a brother complex.

Meanwhile, Nico was evading the fanatics by sneakily traveling on shadows. On the ceiling. And crawling on all fours.

"What on Olympus are you doing?" a velvety voice asked in amusement, sounding right next to his ear.

Nico jumped, as much as he could upside down, and nearly let go and would have fallen to the ground had it not been for his father.

"Relax, Nico. It was simply a question," the Lord of the Underworld seemed to be rolling his eyes just with his words.

It was a talent Nico had yet to master.

"I'm avoiding demonic little girls," he muttered unhappily.

"Are you sure you aren't the one demonic, walking on walls like that? Even if you aren't a little girl and sickly green," Hades added as an afterthought.

"Don't cross fandoms. Be lucky I'm not spewing puke all over you," Nico replied childishly, pouting.

Hades gave him a look and it was clear he could do whatever the hell he wanted. Because he was Hades.

And that included crossing fandoms.

His father moved further up to crawl on the ceiling right beside him. Unfairly, his father seemed to look quite graceful doing it and even worse, made the 'crawling on the ceiling' thing look very sophisticated.

"So, while we were busy talking, we have been caught in the midst of those 'demonic girls' you were running from," Hades then nonchalantly noted, Nico starting to freak out.

Right in front of them, a small group of the girls were staring up at them from the junction between two halls. Hades swiftly appeared in the middle of the group, and Nico was about to shout a warning. Instead, he found Hades smoothly chatting up the girls with an easy smile and a cool look on his face, the girls staring adoringly and in awe at him.

Damn, his dad was good.

"What are you girls doing?" a fierce voice interrupted the meet and greet. "You're supposed to be taking them prisoner."

Hades hmmed. "Ah, a minor head honcho. Suitably immune to the Dark Family charms with the right training."

Hades nodded at his son before stepping into a shadow and disappearing. Nico gaped. His father had just disappeared without a trace. His father had just _abandoned_ him.

"WAIT, DAD! I HAVEN'T MASTERED SHADOWWALKING WHILE PANICKING!"

With no answer, Nico turned tail and crawled on the ceiling like a bat out of hell. Or Tartarus.

Back to Percy, he had lost Triton back somewhere as he rushed away, searching for some help to get to the protest potluck/barbecue. It was dinner time and he was starting to get hungry. Suddenly a slightly familiar little girl appeared in his path, looking cute with her auburn hair tied back and wide eyes looking up at him.

"Are you lost, little one?" he paused, inwardly melting.

"My name's Arty," she said perfectly, though her tone was childish. "I'm hungry."

The truth was that was Artemis having de-aged herself to being a 6 year old. She also knew, from the look on his face, that the demigod was hungry. It was the perfect opportunity for her and she wasn't going to waste it. Especially with so many others having had a head start already…

"Alright, Arty. My name's Percy and I was just about to go looking for some food. Do you want to come with me?" Percy bent slightly, smiling gently at her.

"Okay," she held out her arms.

He was going to take a hand when she shook her head and widened her arms.

"Piggyback ride," she demanded.

He chuckled lowly and bent down, allowing her to get on his back and comfortably settle herself against him, her small arms winding around his neck.

"Fine, let's just go now."

Artemis inwardly cackled in triumph.

Soon enough, they managed to locate the protest potluck/barbecue, which was getting into full swing. Nico, looking strangely frazzled, was taking charge and directing stuff and everyone around. And then there was the surprising god already there, shocking Percy and Artemis with his presence.

Hades, the dark god, was coolly flipping burgers on one of the grills, wearing a dark purple (almost black looking) apron with the words 'I AM the Chef God.' The indifferent look on his face clashed with the image he made.

But he just _looked so cool_.

"Man, he's got skillz," Percy commented, staring in awe.

Artemis made a shocked noise in agreement.

From somewhere nearby, there was a loud yell of "Dattebayo!"

"Perseus, how wonderful for you to get here," Hades greeted, a smooth smile crossing the god's face. "Come, sit next to me and I'll hand you a plate."

Dazed, Percy did it without realizing he had. Then he forgot about it after being handed the most scrumptious looking burger he'd ever seen. While he dug in, Artemis and Hades traded looks.

If the other didn't rat or say anything about the other, then they were all good.

"So, Perseus…this may be forward of me, but would you like to go for dinner tomorrow together?" Hades propositioned silkily.

Percy choked on his burger, looking up at him with wide eyes, with slight suspicion in them.

"You see, I've been rather lonesome and frustrated at still being rather much an outcast with the Olympians," his voice moved into a purr, going in for the kill. "Even with meetings, I'm not considered."

It was true; his opinion was mostly overlooked in the meetings. But he managed to frame his words in a way that made it sound like he wasn't even invited at all.

"Especially the last meeting," Hades clinched it.

Percy was now looking at him in contemplation, putting it together. Artemis' eyes widened and she stopped the kicking of her legs back and forth to stare at the god. So that was his plan…

"Oh…well okay. So long as you're cooking," Percy hummed happily, taking another bite and not bothering to bite back his moan.

Hades inwardly smirked.

"Excellent."

When the barbecue neared its end, Artemis clung tightly to Percy's side, who amusedly hefted her up and carried her in his arms. She happily nuzzled his neck and clutched onto him with both arms and legs. She looked back at Hades from around Percy's head, who stared back in amusement. Laughingly, she planted a kiss on the side of Percy's head, who patted her back fondly and started to move away.

So that was _her_ game. Playing kiddy to get away with affectionate touches and kisses…

For her, she could handle that for now. She'll come up with a way for Percy to like and be attracted to her later. For now, she was content with stealing his affections and attention.

He took her to an indoor playground, playing with her for a bit, before they tired out and he started wondering about where she was going to sleep and finally who she belonged to.

"Say, Arty, where's your mom and dad?" he furrowed his eyebrows.

She shrugged, only slightly panicking.

"You must be still undetermined," Percy declared, thankfully solving her dilemma for her. "Well, we'll have to find you a room at least."

No, no, no.

She clung onto his arm, looking up at him. She made sure to widened her eyes and make her lower lip start trembling.

"B-but…I don't want to be without…" she paused and thought quickly, "Big Brother!" she cried out.

Percy's eyes softened. "Oh okay. You can sleep with me tonight. I have a big bed and I can read you a bedtime story to help you fall asleep!"

Mentally grinning, she outwardly just nodded her head enthusiastically.

He brought her to the area housing all the rooms and led her to his, tucking her into bed and sliding in beside her. Then he began an old fairytale, which she tuned out and just focused on his face tenderly. Instead of falling asleep, he was the one who did so, leaving her to perversely smirk and transform to an older version of herself, hovering over the prone form of her prey.

"Perfect," she murmured, eyes glinting in the darkness.

Eagerly splaying her hands on his chest, she inquisitively felt around his pectorals and sighed admiringly. Moving to caress his neck and then his face, she was brought out of her admiration when she felt a buzz in her pocket. Twitching, she ignored it and started to continue her exploration. A more insistent buzz bothered her and she sighed in aggravation this time, reluctantly bringing out her Olympus cell.

Narrowing her eyes at the caller, she unhappily answered it.

"Not now, Thalia," she snapped, a holographic image of her lieutenant appearing above her cell phone.

Thalia blinked in confusion. "My lady?"

"I'm busy," Artemis immediately replied, hoping to end this call already.

"But –! Wait a second…where are you?" a tone of accusation entered Thalia's voice, the demigod huntress peering at the area her lady was in.

"None of your business," Artemis said nervously and just hung up without another word.

Huffing to herself, she just plopped to her side and stared at the asleep form of her future lover. Or so her aspirations were. Not feeling up to being interrupted again and getting disappointed and frustrated, she just let herself cuddle closer to Percy and hum happily to herself.

She could only thank the Fates that Thalia didn't know where Percy slept.

At least she had better not.

Hoping as well that Thalia wouldn't suddenly barge in and ruin the moment, she buried her face into his shoulder and mumbled to herself pleasingly.

* * *

"So…this is the infamous H.E.L.L. Inc," Clarisse said, looking over the group of men and women who looked harmless enough.

But the reputation…

'How Everyone Learns to Love,' Chris mouthed to himself disbelievingly by her side. He twitched and wondered if he'd landed in some Wonderland or something. Perhaps he was still crazy and he'd never been cured.

Tartarus, he would even say that maybe he preferred to go back to his insanity before than deal with this new insanity.

"Ladies and gents, let's get started! Start hauling ass, people!"

The people before her started to scramble, working on setting things up, putting things where they were supposed to, installing some suspicious things, and all around doing work that was sure to make Percy's life a living hell.

Clarisse started to cackle.

Even if she was crazy, Chris didn't deny that he loved her. Though he was starting to regret involving himself in all this…

"Come, my minion," Clarisse directed towards him. "There is work to do. We must get started."

Chris sighed and followed after.

"Our master plan will come to fruition and we must also continue to create and spread the chaos," his girlfriend nodded to herself and began to walk away.

He resigned himself to following after her and making sure she was alright. _Someone_ had to make sure things went right and that nothing backfired on her. He did want to make sure Clarisse didn't go overboard or end up going crazier…or doing crazier things.

He still didn't envy Percy.

Therefore, with heavy steps, he trailed after a still talking to herself Clarisse (who kept making up plans and scenarios –many of which just got crazier and crazier), and hoped to survive the coming Armageddon intact and limbs whole.

Preferably with his mind in perfect order as well. He'd already been down _that_ road.

Started 11/4/11 –Completed 11/20/11

A/n: More of my H.E.L.L. Inc. I've grown fond of my creation. **I would like to note:**

**I don't hate Percabeth. I dislike the overload of it in fandom and the way it's written there. I don't care too much for it, but I don't HATE it. I can even stand and even like it in canon. Also, this an answer to a challenge to write an anti-Percabeth/NicoxOC fic. Being that is the original purpose of this fic, however I am also including taking potshots at every other pairing, even ones I like. Only, because of the challenge and the original purpose, Percabeth will just be in the main shooting range. There will be moments (but not too fluffy), mainly because there IS a BET going on, remember? (For clarification to all readers and future readers, as this was brought up).**

Queen of the Deathberries: That's an interesting idea, though I would like to finish The Light Before We Land first before starting that.


	4. Why It's a Bad Idea to PO the Sea Family

Disclaimer: Nope, just a fanfiction writer. I would be a man, if I owned it, wouldn't I? So nope.  
Story: Percy has the gods chasing after him. Annabeth is Queen of Camp Half-Blood. Nico is a character activist, Thalia is contemplating nun-hood, and there are hoards of fangirls (and fanboys) everywhere. Welcome to Switzerland.  
Set as mostly a parody, but takes some elements from the books, I suppose.  
Spoilers: All books.  
Warnings: Cursing and violence for now…hm, just in case since I'm usually writing it, bit of crazy humor, perverted humor, morbid or sarcastic humor, and maybe some sexual situations…  
Pairings: All. I mean ALL. And none. Doesn't make sense? Too bad. (Then again, I can't really have _all_ pairings. I'd just confuse myself, now wouldn't I?) Mainly centering around Percy pairings though…because I was thinking of World War III. And chaos. Ahem…  
BEWARE. THIS IS PROBABLY GOING TO BE TOTAL CRACK. WITH SEMI-SERIOUS SUGAR ON TOP.

Switzerland: Typically in all fandoms, being neutral towards shipping; having no shipping preferences.

**The Percabeth Revolution: We're Going Swiss!  
**_Chapter Four: Why It's a Bad Idea to Antagonize the Sea Family_

Percy cleared his throat, looking at his first class. He was extremely proud, grinning widely…despite the fact his first swimming class consisted of all 12 Olympians. He would also like to say that he ignored their various states of dress (or undress, really…).

After all, he was _not_ going to go over the fact that Aphrodite was wearing a very, very small red polka dotted bikini that barely covered anything, that Apollo was wearing a bright gold speedo that was really too tight, or that Ares had just come in nude. He was wondering if this was such a good idea after all…

"Oh, Percy!" Aphrodite cooed. "I need help. I don't understand what to do."

Athena snorted. "Ditz, we haven't even started yet. Don't be so obvious."

Aphrodite sneered at her, and Athena narrowed her eyes back.

"Oh yeah! Cat fight!" Apollo called out, adding in a wolf whistle.

Both goddesses focused their glares on him and he just grinned back.

"Percy! I fell into the water! I don't know how to swim! Help!" Artemis was in the pool already, flailing around.

She ignored the disbelieving stares of the others and thrashed around even more, dunking her head a couple times to be more alarming to Percy, who was quickly rushing over and had dived in and reached for her. She cackled in her head.

Percy should've known better though. They were all gods and goddesses.

"Bah, that little brat. Let's see her keep using that ruse over and over," Ares growled, cracking his knuckles.

Hades coolly watched everything, and observed the others. Then he smirked and sat down on the edge of the pool, dipping his legs into the water just as Percy managed to bring Artemis back to poolside and had finished checking on her.

"It's very heavenly. I just feel so close to the water now, like I can understand it. My immortal soul feels so calm. Thank you so much for this, Perseus," he said sentimentally, softening his voice and his gaze purposely.

Percy beamed happily at him, giving just the response he'd wanted, and he inwardly smirked and preened at his success. When Percy looked away, he outwardly smirked at the glowering others.

He absolutely missed the water coming up from the pool and dragging him in violently, coming back up and sputtering water.

Poseidon was the one smirking this time, eyes glinting dangerously. He looked around and eyed the others warily, all of whom were determinedly not looking at him. Hades, in the meantime, had grumpily got back up and stood still in irritation, though he didn't dare retaliate with Percy there.

Still pissed off and also remembering the current situation between the other gods and his son, Poseidon decided he would just lash out vehemently and indiscriminately. The water from the pool all of a sudden practically flew from it and formed tentacle-like forms, waving about from the surface of the pool like some monster.

"Hooooly shit –we're, like, in some kind of Japanese horror anime, complete with tentacle monster to terrorize," Hermes gaped.

Aphrodite screamed, "Oh Tartarus, don't let this become a tentacle hentai!"

Athena recoiled and had a disgusted look on her face. "_Ew_. Ew, ew, ew. _Why_ did you even have to mention that? Did you _have_ to even say that, dammit?"

Artemis screamed as well, and fled from the room, probably traumatized by the images Aphrodite's words had unwittingly brought up.

Percy? Well, he stared at his maniacally laughing father (who took advantage of everyone's shock to start his attack), the water tentacles that were now starting to race towards the others, and the rest of whom were in full-blown panic and terror.

"Well…it's not Godzilla," Ares commented while in the grasp of one of the tentacles, before starting to try to wrestle it.

Aphrodite had just fainted, while Hera looked like she'd become a statue (staring unblinkingly at the spectacle like she'd been petrified by a basilisk or something –yes, yes, I know; don't cross fandoms!). Zeus was hysterically firing lightning bolts at each tentacle that came his way, freaking out and trying to get them away from him…but in the process, was electrocuting everyone else who had been captured by a water tentacle.

Hermes had been caught early on, his usual speediness no match for when he was in total shock and therefore easy for an ambush. Therefore, he'd been dragged into the water, continuously kept swimming up, and rinse and repeat. 'Course, once he was above surface, he was flailing and screaming and pleading for mercy, but hey –it's the effort that counted.

"Uncle! Uncle!" Apollo yelled, and no one could tell whether he was calling out to Poseidon…or calling a surrender saying 'Uncle'. Stupid play on words…

Hades had smoothly made his exit before any of the chaos had even started.

"You know, there's another water tentacle I'd much rather hold onto," Hestia said perversely, glancing at Percy with a wink as she danced around and dodged the tentacles trying to grab onto her.

Percy flinched. This was _not_ how he'd wanted his first swimming lesson to go. Why couldn't anything ever go right for him?

"_Ha-Ha! Well now, we call this the act of mating  
But there are several other very important differences  
Between human beings and animals that you should know about."_

_"I'd appreciate your input."_

"_Sweat, baby, sweat, baby, sex is a Texas drought  
Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about  
So put your hands down my pants and I'll bet you'll feel nuts~"_

Percy twitched and inwardly swore he would forever pray and make offerings to the Fates, if only they would stop trying to screw his life over all the time.

"Animals, all of them," Luke said, shaking his head as he suddenly appeared beside Percy, making the younger male jump. "Typical, and expected."

Percy eyed him warily. "Are you sure _you_ didn't put that on?"

Luke gave him an innocent grin. "Me? Of course not. The gods are always a bunch of horny idiots. Wanna catch some lunch? I'm hungry."

Percy missed the crossed fingers behind Luke's back.

"_Do it again now  
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals  
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel  
Gettin' horny now~"_

Percy cringed. What was that now? He'd twitched, flinched, and now cringed. These immortals were bad for his health.

"You know what, yeah. That sounds good about now," Percy said blandly. "I just give up…"

Luke casually slid an arm around Percy's shoulders and led him out of there, quietly humming the song with a smug grin stretched across his face.

A little after they were gone, Triton came around there and stared, slack-jawed, at the scene. He'd only wanted to come around to see how Percy was doing with his first class, maybe stalk him a little…but this was not what he'd been expecting.

"_Love, the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket  
Like the lost catacombs of Egypt, only God knows where we stuck it  
Hieroglyphics? Let me be Pacific, I wanna be down in your South Seas  
But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean means "Small Craft Advisory"  
So if I capsize on your thighs high tide, B-5 you sunk my battleship  
Please turn me on I'm Mister Coffee with an automatic drip  
So show me yours I'll show you mine "Tool Time" you'll Lovett just like Lyle  
And then we'll do it doggy style so we can both watch 'X-Files'~"_

He gasped dramatically and shook his head in exaggerated disappointment.

"Father! I thought of all people you would know better! Such…such...such perverted and corrupted things! I won't let you taint Percy's virtue! I'll fight against even you!" Triton screeched in righteousness.

And then he turned on his heel and flaunted away, determined to find Percy and protect his innocence. He ignored the others he'd left behind, despite the continuing despair and terror they were in. Poseidon just stared after him, dumbfounded.

"What the Tartarus is wrong with my eldest?" he muttered, shaking his head.

What was wrong with him? He was definitely in deep with his brother complex, and he _knew_ that no one was worthy of his darling brother. He had to find him and keep him safe, even if it meant locking him up in a random room where no one could find him. Or running away with him and getting off that damn ship…

After fifteen minutes of searching, wherein he started freaking out and being a drama queen, he finally found his brother in the dining area, where Percy was having a burger with Luke Castellan (of all people!) and chatting it up and looking like he was having a good time.

Weren't they _enemies_?

"I thought they hated each other," Triton muttered, peering around the corner he was hiding behind to watch –_watch_, not _stalk_ –them.

In the process of trying to be stealthy, he really…wasn't. Therefore, as he continued to hide around the corner and stare at them, he really wasn't paying attention to the fact that he was kind of obvious. His death glare towards Luke sort of had a menacing aura that could actually be felt and made the blond Son of Hermes shiver and easily pinpoint the direction. Alternately, the loving gaze directed towards Percy left a rather sappy look on his face and the occasional corny visible hearts appearing around him.

"Kyah~ My brother is so adorable!" Triton tittered to himself, grinning uncontrollably. He shot a nasty glare towards Luke. "But that boy…Hn, moronic imbecile. He's too good for you, for anyone really."

The two kept peeking over to Triton's corner subtly, easily seeing the water god watching them intensely. Percy kept twitching and Luke gulped nervously. The dark aura around Triton darkened even more.

Suddenly, Percy's cell rang and he raised his eyebrows slightly at it.

"Huh, it's Clarisse. I'm going to have to take this," Percy looked up from checking his Caller ID, informing Luke.

"Don't leave me!" Luke said in a panic, voice squeaking. He coughed and put on a smirk. "I mean, sure. Go ahead. I'll be fine here. It's not like you have to check with me or anything. I'm not your boyfriend or something."

Percy nodded and left, and Luke sighed.

"Yet," the blond muttered.

The intense glare he'd been feeling since Triton's arrival increased in intensity, and he tensed and slowly turned to look at the god. Triton was glaring really menacingly at him, and…was that a mini-Trident? Evidently, it was.

The mini-Trident that previously had been used like a machine gun was now being held as if it was a sniper rifle, and he was scarily aiming it at Luke's head. At his head. At his _head_…

Oh gods, he was going to be _assassinated_.

Assassinated.

Luke got up in a panic and turned rapidly, trying to run away while he could. However, Triton merely held up his mini-Trident at eye level, aimed, and then fired. A blast of water hit Luke straight at his head, and the demigod went down hard. Triton was the one left smirking and snickering. Ignoring the wide eyes and gaping mouths of his audience, he reveled in the silent shock and fearful looks as he went over to Luke and grabbed his ankles, dragging the unconscious blond demigod through the area and stashing him somewhere. And then he took Luke's place at the table and waited patiently for Percy to come back, the noise level and everyone trying to go back to normal and ignore the obviously crazy god.

To this, Percy was greeted with, especially a grinning immortal brother of his.

"Hello, Percy. I thought we could finish lunch together. I think Castellan had an emergency he had to leave for," he fibbed with a straight face.

"Ah well, okay. Sounds good. We should spend time together and try to get along, especially since it'll make Father happy," Percy agreed, smiling at his brother.

Triton scoffed. "Forget Father. No good perv…" he muttered that last part under his breath. "Besides, he's not good enough for you anyway. No one's good enough to be your father, brother –except me –lover, sister, etc. Except your mother. She's brilliant. May I share her? My mother is defunct as well."

Percy's smile turned hesitant and confused, wondering why was he always stuck with the crazy ones.

* * *

"Ah, Percy! I'm glad you could make it," Hades said warmly, which was kind of weird in Percy's opinion (but a nice Hades is better than an angry Hades).

Percy grinned and rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment.

"Well, I agreed, didn't I? And you're cooking. And you cook _really_ well," which Percy was surprised at.

"Case closed then," Hades smirked, and let Percy into his room. The table was set for two and Hades led him to it, seating him and making sure he was comfortable.

"What's for dinner?" Percy asked curiously, trying to keep feeling normal and unbothered, though thoughts that this was actually a _date_ kept uncomfortably filtering into his head frequently.

"Baked salmon cooked with white wine, a side of stuffed seafood mushrooms, and chocolate truffle cheesecake for dessert," Hades smoothly replied, hiding his triumphant grin at Percy's dazed look.

Percy really hoped he wasn't salivating, but just hearing the meal course was enough for him to be in bliss (and to say to hell with caring about it being a date).

Eating it was even better.

They were actually halfway through their meal, with Percy surprised to be having a good time, when there was a strong knock on the door…followed by another more impatient one, and then another that was to the tune of the original Bond theme.

Percy and Hades blinked at that.

With a feeling of huge dread in his stomach, Hades excused himself and gave a reassuring smile to his date, before he went over and answered the door.

Triton and Poseidon stood side by side in the entrance, innocent smiles turning into mocking ones that matched the dangerous glints in their eyes.

"Aren't you going to invite us in, Uncle –" Triton started.

" –Hades?" Poseidon grinned knowingly.

Hades tried not to grit his teeth.

"After all, it's standard –" Triton once again spoke first.

"To meet the date's family," Poseidon's grin turned treacherous.

Hades flinched.

Started 12/31/12 – Completed 1/2/13

A/n: I don't even know…Oh my god, I think I went too far with this chapter XD Really, I just don't know what to say…

If you want me to take pot shots at any particular pairing, or any you want to see in general crop up (with Percy or not), suggest it. I won't mind.


	5. You'll Never Know What Hit You

Disclaimer: Nope, just a fanfiction writer. I would be a man, if I owned it, wouldn't I? So nope.  
Story: Percy has the gods chasing after him. Annabeth is Queen of Camp Half-Blood. Nico is a character activist, Thalia is contemplating nun-hood, and there are hoards of fangirls (and fanboys) everywhere. Welcome to Switzerland.  
Set as mostly a parody, but takes some elements from the books, I suppose.  
Spoilers: All books.  
Warnings: Cursing and violence for now…hm, just in case since I'm usually writing it, bit of crazy humor, perverted humor, morbid or sarcastic humor, and maybe some sexual situations…  
Pairings: All. I mean ALL. And none. Doesn't make sense? Too bad. (Then again, I can't really have _all_ pairings. I'd just confuse myself, now wouldn't I?) Mainly centering around Percy pairings though…because I was thinking of World War III. And chaos. Ahem…

BEWARE. THIS IS PROBABLY GOING TO BE TOTAL CRACK. WITH SEMI-SERIOUS SUGAR ON TOP.

Switzerland: Typically in all fandoms, being neutral towards shipping; having no shipping preferences.

**The Percabeth Revolution: We're Going Swiss!  
**_Chapter Five: You'll Never Know What Hit You_

Her electric blue eyes stared straight into his cobalt ones.

She pursed her lips, crossing her arms as she stood there in her nun outfit. He just smirked, though he looked uneasy.

"You know, I'm only considering this because I have a goddess on my tail," Thalia glared. "Lady Artemis is being difficult."

He shrugged. "And I have Triton on my ass. Despite all the other competitors, those two are the ones we mainly deal with. So?"

Thalia grunted before shoving her hand out. They shook on it, and suddenly they started smirking at each other.

And so this unholy union was born.

They high-fived each other. "Alright! Team Thaluke! Let's beat these bitches."

Together, they began to plot and scheme up scenarios to work in their way in order to get to Percy, all the while planning on backstabbing the other when it came to the end.

Meanwhile, as those two were agreeing to work together, two other people decided that they were going to ally as well.

"Why would I want to ally with you?" Rachel blurted out.

Er, well, they were _thinking_ about allying with other. Discussing. Yes, discussing…

Annabeth huffed. "I heard Thalia was allying with Luke. I thought it would be a good idea to ally with someone, considering they were and the gods are crazy and running rampart. It's like Capture the Flag, and besides, Athena –_I _always have a plan. This would help us out in beating all the others."

Rachel stared at her. "Why'd you say you always have a plan? You usually say 'Athena.'"

Annabeth scowled. "Of course I'm not going to mention her. Mother's my rival now! I can't mention _her_."

"Makes sense," Rachel shrugged. "Since you're competing. I guess I'll ally with you."

Annabeth grinned wildly. "Yes! They'll never know what hit them. Neither will Percy either, but in a good way. Guys like girl on girl action –"

"Wait, what?" Rachel gaped at her.

The blonde sighed patiently. "Guys like that stuff. Especially teenagers. You know, hormones and stuff. We've gotta up our game, girl! We'll be left behind and unnoticed if we don't do anything drastic."

"One, I'm not gonna jump the shark," Rachel twitched. "And that wasn't an innuendo. Two, what if Percy's not like that? You don't know if he is."

Annabeth backtracked. "Well…we'll improvise."

Ah well. In for the buck, go all in.

But still. Girl on girl, sounds like all those badly written lemons floating around on the internet…Rachel blinked. She'd liked to write a lemon between her and Percy…

She unconsciously began to drool and had spaced out, daydreaming about things too much for the teenage mind to handle while conversing with Annabeth. Annabeth stared weirdly at the dazed red-head. What in the world?

"Rachel?"

A drip of blood dripped down Rachel's nose, and she fell back as she passed out with a wide grin on her face.

Annabeth blinked. Had that…been a perverted nosebleed?

* * *

The intense glares and threatening grins were uncomfortable, but nothing that Hades was particularly worried or truly scared about. He was the Lord of the Underworld after all.

(That said, he might be just the _tiniest_ afraid, given that overprotective fathers and psycho brothers can be a very terrifying experience indeed –especially with tridents getting involved and threateningly leaning against the wall behind them.)

"I don't know if you know this, Percy," Triton started with a sly grin. "But Uncle Hades can be…_smooth_ about things. Very sly."

"Perseus –Percy," Hades ironically stumbled. Tartarus, he'd been all smooth about that too. He'd switched from the Perseus to Percy from the beginning of the dinner date, making things informal and intimate (and since he knew Percy preferred so), and the name change hadn't been so obvious until now, when these two fools were beginning to trip him up. Percy hadn't mentioned the change and spoken against it, which Hades took as him being allowed to be so familiar with him. But now that Hades put the focus on it, would he change his mind?

"I, er," he mentally glowered at the two becoming increasingly delighted that he was starting to fumble and lose his cool for once. "Suppose. I could be very…persuasive, so to say," he grasped onto what control he had left and began to pull himself together. He would _not_ be defeated. "I have a tendency to use my cunning, at least much more than others, who would easily flounder."

Excellent. Very good recovery, if he could say so himself.

Triton and Poseidon were the ones glowering this time, and they were expressing so outwardly. He briefly sent a smirk their way.

"Speaking about smooth," Percy cut in obliviously. "When I was younger, when I met Hades, I thought his voice was oily, but later on and especially lately, I've been thinking it's more like velvet. Very smooth and edgy with danger kinda too. It's really silky when he talks, and it's one of those voices that would be nice to fall asleep to, I'd think."

Poseidon and Triton gaped at him in disbelief, with Hades also rather dumbfounded, but also really flattered. He made a mental note to speak more around Percy, even more than he'd taken to lately. And especially at night, preferably in bed and when it was time for sleep or other activities…

The door burst open and Zeus came through it, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, beige cargo pants, and a straw hat while a lei necklace hung around his neck.

"Aloha!" he yelled enthusiastically. "Party crashing, dear family! After all, why wasn't I invited?" he pouted, though he glared dangerously at Hades for a second, uncaught by only Percy.

"Er, this was supposed to be a dinner date between Hades and I," Percy smiled uncertainly, causing Zeus to twitch at the admission. "He'd promise he'd cook, and his cooking is awesome. Sorry, Lord Zeus."

"None of that 'Lord' business," Zeus waved off, taking a seat anyway. "And I can cook too!" he grinned at Percy.

Hades was outwardly glowering as well. "Fool family," he grumbled under his breath.

"Anyways –"

"Anyway," Percy created before blushing. "Ah, I must be hanging around Athena too much."

"Athena?" Poseidon gawped.

They also noted that she wasn't referred to as 'Lady.'

And so Percy described his time with her before, and how it had ended up being in a restaurant with the three females getting all catty with each other.

All of them growled. So Athena was on the radar, eh? Well, she was on _their_ radar as well…

"Anyway," Zeus inwardly huffed at the news. "I've been enjoying the wayside and hear we're going to stop by an island pretty soon. You should come look around with me! We should spend time together. I'll even barbecue!"

Percy was surprised and hesitantly agreed, before the others had a chance to recover and protest for him.

Hades continued to glower.

This had not been how he'd pictured his dinner with Percy would go. It was a complete mess, and it was all because of his blasted brothers! And Triton, the little brat…

"Ah, it's time to leave!" Poseidon said suddenly. "Late, late, late! Probably bedtime. Come along, kids! Goodbye, my non-brothers I never acknowledge!" and Poseidon was suddenly and quickly ushering Triton and Percy away, the sea family practically disappearing.

Zeus pouted, but stood up as well. "Guess I'm gone too. Bye, Zombie Brother."

And then Hades was left staring dumbfounded at the door, dumbfounded for an entirely bad reason this time.

"Argh!" he slammed his hands down on the table in frustration. He glared at nothing in particular, before something caught his eyes. His lips slowly curled into a smile.

Hades still had one more trick up his sleeve.

* * *

Luke stood in the hallway, humming aimlessly. A little girl just walked into that same hallway before stopping short and her little grin dropping.

"Are you lost?" Luke smiled, tilting his head with his eyes closed.

Her lips twitched awkwardly into a smile. "N-no. I was heading to…Big Brother's room."

"Is that _so_?"

"…Yes," she said more firmly.

"Okay."

She blinked before inwardly sighing and walking passed the blond demigod, and heading further into the hallway and closer to the room she was intending to go into. She stood up on her tiptoes and turned the knob, opening it with a little godly power and therefore bypassing the lock.

She missed the cloth heading straight at her face and covering her mouth.

Thalia smirked as she held the cloth to the girl's mouth, the godly chloroform doing a good job at knocking the girl out.

"Totally, completely, utterly sorry, Lady Artemis," Luke drawled unrepentantly. "Good job, Thals."

"Good job to you too," she snickered, tying up the goddess with ninja wire.

They fist bumped. "Oh yeah! Ninja warriors!" they grinned at each other.

They paused.

"Does that count as crossing fandoms?" Thalia asked, curious.

"Well, there is that obstacle show…"

"Nah. Pass it."

They shrugged and picked up the unconscious goddess, carrying her into some empty room to lock her up in.

At the same time…

Percy took a quick shower, mindless of the trouble that had gone on outside of his room. He wasn't even really sleepy, and it was rather early (What on earth was his dad talking about, it being late? It wasn't late at all!). He was thinking of maybe browsing through the channels on the awesome big flat screen in his room, having not gotten time to actually take a crack at it before.

He had just finished toweling his hair and leaving the towel around his neck, and pulling up loose pants onto his lower half, when he walked out into his room and at the same time Hades had shadowwalked right into the room.

The god stumbled on his last step and gawped. "Uh…" he held up the cheesecake. "I didn't want it to go to waste?" he said weakly.

Percy stared. Then stars were in his eyes. "The. Best."

"The cheesecake or me?" Hades blinked.

"Whatever you feel like thinking," Percy rushed over and snatched the cheesecake, heading straight for his kitchen for plates and utensils.

Hades adorned a smug grin.

* * *

"Conspiracy!"

"No, just very, very good luck for them. And very bad luck for us," Rachel pouted.

Annabeth growled. "Well, it's not fair."

"Nope. We can never find Percy or corner him."

"It's all those blasted gods' fault!" Annabeth shook her hand at the sky. "Between my own mother and that deceitful –"

"Very blood good," Rachel interrupted.

" –Conniving, lying Lord of the Underworld, it's impossible to get a lock on Percy! We only have one choice, Red!"

"Don't call me that," Rachel huffed. "And what choice is that?"

"We must seek out…the _fanclubs_."

Rachel stared at her in horror, thinking she was obviously out of her mind.

"Are you insane?! What are you thinking? We can't do that! We'll be mauled! Taken and eaten alive!"

Annabeth looked at her solemnly. "It's our only choice. The fangirls and fanboys are the ones with techniques beyond our understanding and current skill. You know how they're able to just sense all and easily track and/or capture their victims. They're the ultimate stalkers, and we need those skills to be able to even find Percy, much less get to him. "

Rachel winced. "You're right. We…have no other choice."

They looked at each other and traded wary looks, shivering but becoming determined.

"To our Quest," Annabeth intoned gravely.

"To our Quest," Rachel toasted back, though she looked queasy.

They sighed and together they set out to go looking for the domain of the darkest beings known to mankind.

* * *

Aphrodite was mumbling to herself, and no one dared to come near her. Not even Ares.

She was busy rifling through tons of books, oddly enough, trying to search for an answer. Truth be told, she wasn't at all affected by the arrows her son had accidentally shot at everyone. She was _the_ Goddess of Love. Her son's powers wouldn't affect and bother her at all.

That being said, she was enjoying this entire spectacle. She loved it and all the drama and craziness that was occurring, especially as all the others were engulfed and being affected by _her_ domain, of which they all usually laughed and scoffed at.

Who was having the last laugh now?

She let out a little giggle.

Despite not being affected like the others, she was going along with it and having fun, particularly since she herself liked Percy very much. As did the others, even before those silly, blasted arrows…but that was either kept buried (like _really_ buried) or overlooked as something else, depending on who it was. That being said, this was a very good opportunity and made all the others confront feelings, even those not affected by the arrows (and who realized they'd have to up their game). Plus, they were all acting so silly and out of character, and it was providing very good entertainment for herself.

And upping her powers, while they were at it.

Still, she _was_ looking for a cure, if only to help poor Percy. Sooner or later, things would have to go back to…sort of normal (things would _have_ to change after this debacle), but that didn't mean she couldn't enjoy herself and the spectacle in the meantime.

She shut the book loudly, smiling widely.

And well…there really was no hurry. She certainly wasn't.

* * *

Clarisse's eyes were wide as she stared in awe.

"Bloody hell. These cameras are _awesome_."

Started 8/14/13 – Completed 8/14/13

**A/n: The craziness continues? Anyway, keep shouting out pairings you want to see getting some limelight. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, favorite, and alerted! I'll try to reply to reviews later, but I'm in a rush right now, so a big thanks to everyone again! If you liked the chapter, please review!**


	6. Air Disasters

Disclaimer: Nope, just a fanfiction writer. I would be a man, if I owned it, wouldn't I? So nope.  
Story: Percy has the gods chasing after him. Annabeth is Queen of Camp Half-Blood. Nico is a character activist, Thalia is contemplating nun-hood, and there are hoards of fangirls (and fanboys) everywhere. Welcome to Switzerland.  
Set as mostly a parody, but takes some elements from the books, I suppose.  
Spoilers: All books.  
Warnings: Cursing and violence for now…hm, just in case since I'm usually writing it, bit of crazy humor, perverted humor, morbid or sarcastic humor, and maybe some sexual situations…  
Pairings: All. I mean ALL. And none. Doesn't make sense? Too bad. (Then again, I can't really have _all_ pairings. I'd just confuse myself, now wouldn't I?) Mainly centering around Percy pairings though…because I was thinking of World War III. And chaos. Ahem…  
BEWARE. THIS IS PROBABLY GOING TO BE TOTAL CRACK. WITH SEMI-SERIOUS SUGAR ON TOP.  
Switzerland: Typically in all fandoms, being neutral towards shipping; having no shipping preferences.

**The Percabeth Revolution: We're Going Swiss!  
**_Chapter Six: Air Disasters_

Hades sat cross-legged on Percy's bed, grinning widely as he watched the TV. It was uncharacteristic of himself and he looked rather creepy…

But he'd had a fantastic time with Percy that night.

And right now, Percy had fallen asleep and he was smug enough to know it was because of his voice. _His_ voice!

Hades cackled under his breath.

Life was insanely good for him right then.

He created a bowl of popcorn and sniffed the smell, still grinning as he enjoyed watching whatever was currently on at the moment.

The next day, however, seemed like trouble was in the air. Hades felt on edge as he cooked eggs and bacon for breakfast, but he felt blissful just listening to Percy happily humming from behind him, as he was sitting at the table and patiently waiting for his food.

"Sunnyside up on the toast, and tender, chewy bacon," he announced, retrieving a plate and putting the food on it for Percy.

"This is great, Hades! Thanks a lot," Percy said enthusiastically, before he dug into his food eagerly. He tried to keep polite and remember his manners though.

There was a knock on the door and Hades narrowed his eyes at it. He looked at Percy, who had slowed down and looked inquisitively at it as well.

"Go ahead and focus on eating, Percy. I'll go and check it out," Hades gave him a small smile, before he strode gracefully over to the door.

However, once he'd opened it, he was viciously yanked out and the door closed behind him.

"Why were you in Perseus' room?" Zeus growled, with narrowed eyes.

"Because I spent the night," Hades couldn't help but reveal smugly.

"It's unfair!" Zeus whined.

Hades smirked. "Too bad."

And so, in retaliation, Zeus upped his electric charge and zapped Hades into unconsciousness. He hid him in a room he unlocked and then relocked (he didn't know it was the same room Artemis was tied up and locked up in as well), before happily slipping into Percy's suite.

"Dear Perseus! I have arrived!" Zeus announced loudly, throwing his arms up grandiosely.

"Hello, Zeus," Percy greeted him friendly, though he looked confused. "What happened to Hades?"

"Ah…he had something to do. For awhile. Yeah," Zeus coughed and awkwardly cleared his throat. "Anyway! The island! We've finally docked! You said you'd come with me, so let's go, okay?"

"Oh, right! Okay. Just let me finish my breakfast and get ready, and we can head out," Percy beamed at him and Zeus melted into a puddle of goo (metaphorically of course), and grinned goofily back.

So Percy hurried up with his food and took a quick shower (Zeus tried really, really hard not to peek –he was trying very hard to be a very good boy, thank you very much).

Meanwhile, Annabeth and Rachel were approaching their doom. They had finally located the secret entrance to the Fangirl/boy Headquarters. They felt extreme fear, greater than anything they've ever known. Scarier than the times of the Second Titanomachy. These people were _scarier_ than the Titans themselves. Even Kronos, damn it!

They traded scared looks before both gulping. They then both pushed a door each, of the double doors that looked heavy and ominous, and they entered the room.

It was dark. It was silent. It was _cold_.

The only thing they could hear was the sound of their own breathing, and the only thing they could see was the visible clouds of their breath in front of them as they breathed.

Rubbing their hands up and down their arms, they looked around uneasily.

"Who dares enter the domain of those who worship Fan-isms?" a voice boomed out.

They both jumped a bit into the air, whirling about and trying to see where the voice was coming from. They traded scared looks again.

"W-who is that?" Rachel quivered in terror, somehow producing a hair brush from out of nowhere, and holding it as a weapon.

Annabeth stared weirdly at her for a second, after seeing that, before going back to being scared as well.

"Where the Hades are you?!" Annabeth yelled out bravely.

They suddenly heard footsteps, and they both zeroed in on the direction. The sounds of it came closer and closer to them, and they put on brave faces as they prepared to defend themselves. They scooted a bit closer to each other, and kept their eyes steady on where their opponent was coming from.

Very slowly, the footsteps came to a stop, but they still didn't see their opponent. And then whoever it was, took one large step more and a light shone on them.

An average height girl stood there, smiling beatifically at them.

"My name's Ashley," her smile widened. "What can I do for you two?"

The two girls opposite her looked at each other, before sighing and nodding in resignation.

They then turned back to Ashley, kneeled and threw out their arms, bowing in the most excessive way possible.

"Please teach us the way of the fangirl!" the two of them pleaded.

A dark smile crossed Ashley's face.

"It is 'The Way of the Fangirl!' And up you two. If you wish to be trained, we must get started _immediately_."

The two of them hesitantly got up, and then followed after a gesture from the other girl.

Ashley began madly cackling along the way, and they shivered.

What the hell were they getting into?

* * *

When they entered the island, they hadn't realized how bare and…not really a tourist stop island, like they'd been hoping and expecting for.

In fact, it was Calypso's Island.

"It was all we could get, on such short notice!" Clarisse got all defensive. "People were starting to go stir-crazy on the ship, so we had to do something! Next time! We'll promise an actual, fun island next time!"

There was a lot of grumbling all around, but people reluctantly accepted it.

"Well, _I'm _very happy to have so many guests and to have you all here!" Calypso was smiling happily and looked absolutely ecstatic to see everyone. "I actually have so many visitors!"

Percy saw her and was also very happy.

"Calypso! Long time no see, right? Wow, I can't believe I'm seeing you again!" Zeus was unhappy at this familiarity between the two, but he became gooey again when Percy grabbed his hand and led him eagerly over to her.

"Oh, Percy! It's you! I've missed you so much!" the beautiful girl threw herself forward and hugged Percy tightly.

Zeus scowled.

"Zeus, Calypso," he introduced him to her. "Calypso, Zeus," and vice versa, forgetting that the two already knew each other.

"Hello," Zeus grumbled.

"Hello!" Why was _she_ so bright and happy? She'd been stuck on a freakin' island for how long!

Well, Percy had asked them to free all the peaceful Titans and all, but they hadn't really gotten around to that just yet…

He then felt a tugging at his arm and he looked to see Percy adorably staring up at him with a pout.

"I know you guys have been busy and all and haven't gotten around to fixing things up, and freeing the peaceful Titans…but would it be okay if we could get the Princess Andromeda to like…have Ogygia anchored to it, and we could haul around Calypso and something, so she won't be so lonely?"

Zeus inwardly twitched. "I guess so…We'll see."

But then Percy smiled brightly at him and he was melting again.

"SSSSAAAAAP!" Apollo yelled obnoxiously to Hermes, and the two high fived.

Zeus glowered at the two, his hands crackling. He glowered even more as Aphrodite smoothly slid in between him and Percy, slipping an arm around one of the demigod's, and then moving away.

"You did say you would cook for Perseus, won't you Zeus? You could do that while the rest looks around the island, and I go off to have a little private chat," Aphrodite called out from behind her, as she continued leaving with Percy.

She paused and threw a sickly sweet smile at the others.

"_Don't interrupt_," her voice was very threatening.

The other gods and goddesses (minus a suspiciously missing Artemis and Hades) flinched and tried to make themselves busy. Various other people there were just milling around and pretending they weren't noticing the exchanges between the immortals.

Calypso was again pouting at having Percy stolen away from her once again.

"So, Perseus –may I call you Percy?" at his dazed nod, she giggled and continued. "Fantastic. Anyway, how have you been? In fact, how are you handling the insane chaos that's been surrounding you lately? Particularly with the gods and goddesses' involvement?"

Percy winced. "Um…okay, I guess." He sighed in aggravation. "Badly actually. I'm a little overwhelmed."

Aphrodite smiled mysteriously. "Yes, I suppose it is daunting to be faced with so many suitors, especially as fanatical as they're acting."

"Daunting even seems like an understatement," he said dryly.

She laughed outright and then, surprising Percy, stopped walking. "Here we are, darling! How do you like?"

Percy blinked and openly gaped.

Wow. If Aphrodite was a guy and he was a girl, he would be even more mightily impressed than he was. As it was, Goddess of Love or not, she _knew_ how to make things romantic and idealistically beautiful in any and all sense.

They were in a pretty little clearing, tiny bright orbs of light dancing around them, a very soft-looking and inviting blanket in the middle of the place, a picnic basket to the side of the blanket, and music in the form of nature all about them.

Percy was absolutely awestruck.

"Follow, Percy. I have scrumptious desserts for you to enjoy," Aphrodite gave him a wink, before she tugged him a bit and got him to focus and follow her.

She led him to the blanket and sat down first, and he scrambled inelegantly to copy her and sit next to her. She opened the basket and began to bring out some of what she brought.

"All of them have some inclusion of strawberries in them. I know they're your favorite," she said teasingly.

At his bright red blush, she laughed lightly and tapped his nose playfully.

"So tell me, Percy, have you figured out some things?" she asked slyly.

He blinked at her in confusion.

"Eh?"

"Here, let me help you out. Despite his very smooth and cunning use of his words and phrasing, Hades _was_ there during the meeting in which my son idiotically pinned the whole Olympian Council with his arrows."

Percy frowned. "So he _is_ affected by an arrow?"

"Of course. Doesn't mean he doesn't like you. Or the others. Nor I," she grinned mischievously, leaning too close into his personal space.

And, unlike most others at this point, she neither stopped and pulled back, or got interrupted.

She did keep rather chaste and kissed his cheek rather simply, but sincerely affectionately.

"So, darling Percy, I'll keep telling you whatever you need to know, but you promise to keep on with that sweet and heartwarming attitude of yours, m'kay?" she was grinning widely.

"Okay," he was blushing heartily now. "Y-you seem kind of normal. I mean, compared to the others! It's just…you're not acting all crazy like them. Aren't you affected by the arrow?" he asked hesitantly. "You seem more like you're yourself, than being in love."

Aphrodite laughed. "Oh Percy, I _am_ Love! Of course, I am."

Percy blushed even more. "Er, should I really be eating? Zeus was supposed to be cooking and all."

Her eyes were twinkling as she looked at him. "Just a little bit, Percy. Trust me."

And he did, and thoroughly enjoyed all the yummy strawberry desserts Aphrodite had practically conjured up just for him.

Then, it wasn't long until he was watching as Zeus barbecued, singing loudly and off tune to some song no one recognized (Apollo looked rather horrified). He got the first plate and gave Zeus a happy smile, who smiled brightly back. And Percy took a bite.

He tried really, _really_ hard not to grimace and immediately spit out the food.

Zeus' cooking was _nowhere _near anything like his brother's, Hades, cooking. In fact, it was the total opposite. Deadly, even.

Suddenly, Percy was also very grateful towards Aphrodite.

He sent her a 'deer in the headlights' look, which she looked apologetically back at him.

He mouthed 'Is there anymore?' (about the desserts) to her, when no one was looking. She gave him a wink and tapped the basket sitting next to her, and he inwardly sighed in relief.

Now he just had to figure out how to survive through Zeus' cooking, hopefully by not getting to eat it at all.

There must be _some_ way he could try to avoid eating the Sky God's food and not get poisoned as a consequence.

Started 9/22/13 – Completed 9/22/13

**A/n: So people have requested some more pairings. I promise I'll get to them in the coming chapters :D Don't be afraid to shout out any pairings, even ones not involving Percy. I hope everyone liked this chapter and please review!**

**EDIT:**

**To ****Kylie Smith 21383953557**

**IF YOU EVER, AND I MEAN EVER THINK I AM GOING TO BE ANTI-PERCABETH THEN YOU ARE INSANE! !**

**I LOVE PERCABETH!**

**YOU HAVE PROBLEMS!**

_**To be as juvenile as you because I'm tired to being nice to idiots:**_  
_**SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU MORONIC IMBECILE OR I'LL FUCK YOU OVER, BITCH. I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU. THIS FIC ISN'T MEANT JUST FOR YOU, YOU STUPID EGOTISTICAL IDIOT. THIS IS FOR THOSE WHO DON'T WANT TO READ PERCABETH AND THIS MAKES FUN OF ALL FUCKING PAIRINGS, DUMBASS. IF YOU DIDN'T GET THAT AND DIDN'T READ THE SUMMARY, THEN YOU MUST STUPIDER THAN HELL AND CAN'T READ. WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON A READING SITE, YOU INCOMPETENT, CLOSE-MINDED FUCKTARD? COWARD CAN'T EVEN LOG IN.**_

_**You're the one with problems. Go fuck yourself over Percabeth, because as far as I'm concerned, only Rick Riordan can do that pairing right and the pairing is overrated and overdone.**_

* * *

_**To my fans, I'm sorry about that. However, I've decided one thing after that.**_

_**I really am done with the Percy Jackson fandom. **_

_**It's too juvenile and people are so stupid over their pairings. I'm done with that crap. I will finish off all my Percy Jackson stories, but after that I'm not writing any more for the series and I'm going to stick to other fandoms I care about. For goodness sakes', I've never gotten any grief from the TWILIGHT fandom, and they freakin' rabid about their pairings. At least they're generally respectful to others about different pairings. This fandom is the only one where I get persistent grief over writing alternate pairings, so to hell with that.**_

_**Here's to an inevitable goodbye.**_


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